Funny Safety Slogans

The funniest things often occur when least expected.  With that said, slogans are often funnier when not intended at being funny.

1- Don’t forget to wear gloves; your butt might itch.

2- Don’t smile here! Management knows that means you are blaming a safety issue on them.

3- Safety managers are like getting peed on.  They make you feel all warm on the outside, but not the inside.

4- Safety is like a lost in-law.  You didn’t see them coming and now that they arrived you know what you were missing.

5- Compliance video and company policy lectures are good ways of falling asleep while getting paid.

6- You will die whether you follow safety procedures or not.

7- Where’s the safety guy, his lunch is getting all cold and eaten.

8- If safety is your top priority, Don't Work Here!

9- Asbestos doesn’t hurt you; not following protocol hurts you.

10- The secret of every company is that the only person that cares about safety is the government and the safety guy.

11-  Hard headed management will never replace tight fitting safety gear.  Did you ever see a baseball catcher with a loose cup?

12- The tighter the management, the shorter the breaks, the longer the safety, and the friendlier the lawsuits.

13- The key to a good marriage is a safe and routine way of doing everything.

14- Monotony and safety are like a hand and glove.  The management gloves come off, if the hand ever comes out.

15- Telling your boss about an unsafe procedure is like putting your head in the way of a large rolling boulder and hoping it will bounce over you since you told someone about it.

16- Where there isn’t any joy or fun, a safety day has just begun.

17- I’m so safe that your mother would be bored.

18- Mother in laws love safety.  Why then, doesn’t the protocol seem to work on the Mother-in-Law?

19- (Seinfeld, George with Cleaning Woman) Was it wrong to have sex with the cleaning woman on my desk?  If I had only seen the safety compliance video, this wouldn’t have been a problem. 

20- Maybe the real problem with safety is that it doesn’t cover enough areas.  For example, I never saw safety protocol for eating a safe lunch or how to ask out women, at work, without getting hurt.